We have been talking an awful lot about money just recently with the onset of the Alaska Permanent Fund Dividend being deposited into so many folks accounts or being mailed out. (for those of you not from Alaska…well this is a kick back check that we receive once a year from the oil revenue…this year it is BIG…so lots of talk around the state) Keegan and Rohnan have been receiving a dividend since they were 1 years old, but they had never even heard about it until they were in kindergarten and then in full force when they attended 1st grade here in Willow. The kids on the bus started plotting the ways they were going to spend ‘their’ money: a new snowmachine, lotso’ pokemon cards, lego robotics, new fourwheeler, candy, movies, etc., etc. Who knows if any of those things happened for those kids, but it sure did spark an interest in our boys’ with them asking, “Where’s our dividend?”

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When we lived in Elim, AK we use to get together with our friend Heidi to have Bear Creek Creamy Potato Soup and her homemade Challah. Well we are not in Elim anymore, so I decided to make my all time favorite homemade Potato Chili Cheese soup from Moosewood’s Enchanted Broccoli Forest Cookbook and made yummy Challah from my favorite bread book The Wooden Spoon…I think I did all right…well at least it looks pretty.

::National Breast Cancer Awareness Month::

…dedicated to increasing awareness of the importance of early breast cancer detection…

Chautauqua behind the straw that has gone to seed.

Prayer flags and our warmth for the winter drying out.

I just love to look at visually attractive–well organized–warm feeling blogs. Do you think that is creepy?

I have some favorite blogs…they appeal to me…yet I don’t even know these folks.  Their blogs are visually attractive…organized…& well leave me feeling good, cracking up, make me think or all the above.

• SouleMama has to be one of my hero’s…and would so love to be the Mama she is…AMAZING!
• SuburbanBliss has a fantastic sense of humor and just tells it like it is when it comes to managing a home & life…HILARIOUS! {And reminds me of a friend from my past!}

Not only am I a BLOG SNOB…I am also a BLOG STALKER! God I gotta get a life!

**edited, Sat. 9/22/07…I felt as if I was being too harsh…I don’t want to be mean…but I do have to say that it drives me crazy when photo’s and text are a jumbled mess…or the font is much too small for the photo’s or vice versa…just a little peeve…however it never keeps me from going back for more, as I said before I enjoy stalking blogs(it is harmless, right?)**

BEWARE: this entry is all over the place…with random thoughts…not a smooth read.

I am feeling like I am being pulled in several different directions…it would be easier if I was elastic girl…yes the super hero theme has worn off on me too! As a homeschooler, that is what we are now, I find myself doubting, feeling insecure and worried that I am not doing right by my boys’. I know many of you will laugh, scoff and roll your eyes…but really those are my true feelings. It is funny how the minute you take responsiblity you begin to wonder why…I question often…Wouldn’t it just be easier to put them in the public school and forget about them for 6 or 7 hours? Like a nice hot meal from a slow cooker…one that I can start at the crack of dawn & enjoy when they walk off that bus…but that is not the kind of parent I want to be or person I want to be…I want to enjoy my entire day with Keegan and Rohnan…now don’t get me wrong…escaping from time to time is a luxury…but purely a selfish desire.

It is funny how being trained in public school education(& taught for 9 years in a classroom) and placing our boys’ in public school education for the last two years has you feeling like homeschooling is so challenging…like we are missing the boat…like learning is not happening because the day is not scheduled to every minute…worksheets are missing…’direction driven’ art projects have gone by the wayside…1, 2 or 3 recesses are missing…cafeteria food is now absent from their diet…’play time’/center time is no longer confined to just 30 minutes…choral reading is obsolete…journal writing is anytime…and on and on and on. For sure all those things have great value to each individual child…but…I would like to think that what is done to kids for 6 hours…well we could accomplish in 2 or 3 hours…if not less and without the hour bus ride to & from school…although I have threaten the boys’ that we would just get in the truck and drive around for an hour before we start the day…giggle…just kiddin’!

I have this pull to just go with the flow…and really let the kids self direct their learning…but I don’t think that I am wired that way…and as I embrace this homeschoolin’ way, I gain more & more respect for those families that see success in Unschooling or Life without School. My brain needs a schedule…however I do not want to place that burden on the kids…but a rough schedule seems to work for all of us…It gives us goals to work towards…some in a day and some over a longer period of time. What I struggle with is making connections from one subject to the next…for some reason I have it set in my head that I have to do a theme across all academics…but then I realize that that is just not going to happen…which is when my insecurities start to show & I begin to wonder why I chose to pull the boys’ out of public school and attempt to educate them at home.

It is funny, or not, how when the boys’ were in school we would sit around and say ‘geesh we could teach the boys’ all they need to know in 2 hours at home’…but then here we are with the boys’ at home for school and all that goes through my head is how much time during the day is considered school…WHY…WHY…WHY can’t the day be school…that our daily living is school…that working in the dogyard is school…building on the fort is school…a trip to the grocery store is school…helping with housekeeping is school…chopping & stacking wood is school…riding bikes is school…going for a nature walk is school…gardening in the backyard is school…I could go on and on. I think it all comes back to expectations and making connections to the learning standards…there is that draw that life at home should have journal time, math time, reading time, writing time, theme time…and yes that is kinda our day just to soothe our insecurities about making sure the kids are getting what they need…is that what they need?

I am struggling with everything…the schedule, the time of day, what to use for curriculum, planning everyday, etc. I like to think that I will be flexible enough that when we wake up in the morning and it looks like “a go for it” day…that we take advantage of it and throw the plans out the window…I think I did this as a teacher in the classroom…I remember when the sun was shining, the air was still, the temp was crisp and we all put on our coats to go looking for sea glass on the beach…obviously that was not written down in my lesson plan book or the time the snow was perfect, so we spent the afternoon cross country skiing as a class through the village. Why is it that I am so damn hard on myself now that I have my own children to educate…spontaneous adventures are good for the soul…lesson plans can be picked up the next day(or better yet later in the day)…learning can take place in so many venues, not just at a table in the house…it is so hard to not put high expectations on yourself when you feel the responsibility of your childs learning.

OH yeah…and as if the academics don’t weigh me down…there is the whole social thing…I am feeling a wee bit guilty/stressed/whatever on how to socialize the boys’…Yes they have each other…but as most of you know sibling rivarly is inevitable and to be quite honest spending 24/7 can get old…especially since they share a room too!  We are trying to make connections with other homeschool families…but that is difficult, as so many of them are homeschooling for religious purposes…and well that is NOT why we are doing it…but you all know that! ;)   We also have been trying to stay in contact with some of the kids in the boys’ classroom from last year…but…scheduling play dates for after school is a bit challenging…as time is so limited.  We will figure this all out…skate night at the Willow elementary, maybe group guitar lessons in Wasilla, swimming at the wasilla pool and then continue to connect with our friends across the state…hopefully!  Both guys are wicked social, so this has to be our biggest CHALLENGE…more so than the academics…poor doodles…but it is not enough for us to have them waste their time riding a bus, sitting in a classroom of 26 and learning some wonderful habits from peers/older kids…we will find a way for them to fulfill their social needs.

All right…told you this was all over!

This is what we get to wake up to and watch on our pond throughout the day…Cygnus buccinator.

**I am learning to take shots with a borrowed telephoto lens…not so good with it…but this shot was taken near the Yurts, as the swans swam on the otherside of the pond…not bad…I still need some practice.**

We love eggplant…and since it was a dreary rainy day we decided that soup needed to be made…the only problem…two eggplants that were in desperate need of being consumed…so onto google search and wa-la an eggplant recipe that we tweaked a little to fit our needs and appetites! We made some frocaccia to go along with it, but I think a more hearty bread would have been better!

Roasted Eggplant Soup Recipe
Time to make 1-1/4 hours 20 min prep

3 medium tomatoes, halved
1 (1 1/2 lb) eggplants, halved lengthwise
1 zucchini, halved & sliced open
1 small onion, halved
6 garlic cloves, peeled
2 tablespoons vegetable oil
1 tablespoon fresh thyme, chopped or 1 teaspoon dried thyme, chopped
4 cups chicken stock or low sodium chicken broth (or more)
1 cup whipping cream/half & half/whole milk
3/4 cup goat cheese/feta, crumbled

1. Preheat oven to 400°F.
2. Place tomatoes, eggplant, onion and garlic on large baking sheet. Brush vegetables with oil. Roast until vegetables are tender and brown in spots, about 45 minutes.
3. Remove from oven.
4. Scoop eggplant from skin into heavy large saucepan; discard skin. Add remaining roasted vegetables and thyme to same saucepan.
5. Add 4 cups chicken stock and bring to boil. Reduce heat to simmer. Cook until onion is very tender, about 45 minutes.
6. Cool slightly.
7. Working in batches, puree soup in blender until smooth. Return soup to saucepan.
8. Stir in cream. Bring to simmer, thinning with more stock, if desired.
9. Season soup with salt and pepper. Ladle into bowls.
10. Sprinkle with goat cheese; serve.

I always thought I knew the answer to this question…in fact had you asked me this 10 years ago I would have had a different answer than I would right now.

Does being in rural Alaska mean:

• Only accessible via airplane
• No movie theatre
• No Costco, Joann Fabrics, Fred Meyers, TitleWave
• No Starbucks or Kaladi Bros.
• No Fancy Restaurants…Mooses Tooth, Humpy’s, MidWay Café, Glacier Brewhouse
• No hospital
• Etc., Etc., Etc.

Hmmm…that is what I thought, but I have quickly found out in the last year that we are more rural than we were while living in Elim, AK and Unalakleet, AK…both villages only accessible via airplane.

Yes we do have access to all those things listed above, BUT…we have to drive 60 to 120 minutes to get to any of them…and if you look at the big picture it is not far off from a plane ride from Unalakleet, AK.

We had family so excited that we were moving to the road system…cuz’ we would be closer to health care…but do you realize that when we lived in Elim and Unalakleet we were less than 5 minutes walking distance from both clinics(one which was a sub-regional clinic) and now that we live in Willow…well we are 30 minutes from one clinic and 20 minutes from the other…both only accessible via a car ride.

Our closest neighbor and well our only neighbor is about a block away…in the villages we had neighbors right next door.

We don’t have a land line phone connection, hell our cell phone might work sometimes…in the villages we had great phone coverage…everyone could get a hold of us at anytime…that is if we answered the phone.

Our closest convenience store is 4 miles away…in the villages it was less than a 1/2 mile…same quality of groceries…and same scratches on the dvd rentals.

We buck up and chop 7-10 cords of wood for heat…in the villages the school district covers your heating cost.

The post office is 30 minutes away…in the villages it was a hop, skip and jump to go pick up mail…mind you we do have a mailbox that is located 4 miles from the house…but picking up packages is a trek.

Oh yeah…UPS delivers to us, but we have to pick packages up at our mailbox(4 miles away) after receiving a phone call(that may or may not come through on the cell) from the UPS lady as she is 10 minutes from our mailbox…in the village UPS packages were delivered to the door and I so LIKED that!

Fueling up our rig takes some preplanning, as the nearest gas station is about 20 miles away…in the villages it is less than a quarter of a mile away.

Public school is 30 miles, but an hour bus ride…in the villages it was a walk that took less than 3 minutes.

Fishing is possible but we must be willing to endure the combat fishing on the oh so crowded rivers…in the villages we were able to be one of 10 or 20 or maybe none fishing.

Now don’t get me wrong…we love where we are living…but we feel more remote than we ever did in the last 10 years of village life (6 years in Elim, 4 years in Unalkaleet).

We miss living in a village…all the conveniences of living in a neighborhood w/o the fast pace of city living. We miss the social network…dinners…breakfasts…coffee mid day…and drinks early evenings lasting until well after midnight. But we do love our laid back life…the dogs…the woods…the pond…the time we get to spend together as a family…the appreciation we have for friends when we get to cross paths.…and dreaming of other new beginnings.

Life is definitely what you make it…whether you are in rural Alaska connected by airplane or rural Alaska connected by dirt roads.

{FYI…I still don’t know the answer, but we have definitely lived a life that has included some remote/rural living by our standards…one that consisted of a four wheeler driving down a dirt road and one that consisted of a truck with four wheel drive driving down a dirt road. Saying this however does not mean that we have lived a hard life…as we still have all the modern conveniences. }

…when did this happen? I have always been obsessed with cleanliness(or so i thought)…and well my organization habits have been quite disturbing to some…I know…I know…using a color coded hanger system with clothing type might be considered obsessed…but it worked…for me!

…here I am getting ready for my inlaws to arrive and finding out that my home is less than perfect and well things just don’t have permanent places(YET–of course)…how will i tackle this huge task and get it done before 9p.m. tonight? and why is it when family comes to visit all these things matter? so we live in a less than perfect home that has tons of displaced items…that is okay, right? (we are still under construction for godsakes) nope not for me…so here I spend my morning figuring out how i am going to makeover my kitchen, so that it looks like a well managed-easy to get to-everything has a spot cooking environment…laundry will be all washed, folded and put away in our oh so lovely fred meyer shelving(as furniture has not been a priority for rick and i…again I say YET)…dust, like I dust regularly and keep the cobwebs out of view, ha!…vacuum every square inch of the house on my hands and knees(cuz’ again we are too cheap to go buy ourselves an upright…giggle)…clean the bathroom, erasing all residue of iron deposits left in the sink, tub and toilet(and change out the iron residued bath curtain)—only to have the deposits show up again the next day, damn!…beds, what will i do with the beds—pretend that i know how to make hospital corners, cuz’ right now our beds look like we just rolled out of them to start the day, only to make it that much easier to roll back in them at the end of the day(do we have to make the beds? well at least the inlaws bed should be made)…bread baking is on the agenda, cuz’ i can’t have an empty bread box(not that i have one)—we need toast, sandwich bread, toast, sandwich bread & maybe some more sandwich bread…it will all get done right? please tell me it will be okay & my home will be looking sharp for its debut.

side note: MY inlaws(Dad & Lou I LOVE you!) are AWESOME by the way & they would never judge us on the way our house and yard look, they are here to see us and especially spend quality time with their grandsons…i bring this on myself, cuz’ I want everything perfect(what is perfect anyways?)…and well the hazards of reading REAL SIMPLE & obsessing over the IKEA website makes you go a little crazy…”I WANT MY (insert room) to LOOK LIKE THIS! NOW DAMMIT!” If only I had a magic wand…oh how lovely my clothes would look on color coded hangers again!